Insight By Jael

I can't believe I am now a full adult member of the society. I'm twenty-eight... just like that. I'm two years away from turning thirty. My 23 and 25yr old self must be amazed at how I changed. The dreams and goals that I had changed so much. I gave up on some dreams and took up others. I am way more exposed than I was before. I now dream even bigger because i know that I can aim for more and get it. I am more self-aware and I made peace with who I am. I stopped questioning God on why he made me like this and not like that. I love who I am now and I am more linient on myself when I feel threatened by someone else's personality and capabilities by reminding myself that I am equally an amazing and incredible person like them, maybe not in the same way but in different ways. My career is more firm than before, I'm not there yet but I am almost there. I decided to focus more on grief and trauma and mental health advocacy cause that's where my strength is. I'm ea...

 I honestly never knew I would ever reach this far into healing post surgery. I was so fixated on the experience I got in the hospital pre theatre, during and post theatre. Now none of those thing matter anymore because life went back to normal and I am healed but I keep feeling guilty for forgetting such an experience yet it was a big part of my life. At 12 weeks post op, my menses went back to a perfect normal. I now have a three day period and my period flow reduced by about 80%. I am more productive on my second day of my period and my quality of life improved by far. I am now questioning my whole menstrual health because I cant remember the last time I was this productive. My menstrual problem seem to have started way before I thought it did.  My scar is now more like a scar and less like an incision. I can now jump, run and move around more. Now I feel like my dreams are valid, like I can go after what I want without constantly thinking about excessive bleeding, seven to...

 I can't believe I made it this far in my healing journey post a major surgery. This can only be God and it really does get easier with time. I did myomectomy surgery to remove apparently a 12cm fibroid(considered big) that almost took me out with severe anaemia beginning of March. I never saw myself as someone who would one day go to theatre for anything leave alone hospital admission. I was okay on that Wednesday morning and was admitted by the end of the day. Life has been good, I am now more stronger and more independent. I've resumed my normal routines and even went back to work. My incision looks more like a scar and a permanent mark of the battles I had with fibroids. I can now comfortably use matatu, cross roads, walk more steadily, get in and out of bed comfortably, sleep on my stomach, wear trousers, shower comfortably and move around comfortably. I had a very good surgeon, the surgery went well and my healing hasn't been hectic. I've had a smooth healing proc...

 I am 3 weeks post open myomectomy surgery and almost a month since I was admitted for severe anemia. March has been a bittersweet month for me. I got hospitalised/admitted for the first time in my life and had a major surgery which is crazy. Life has taught me that things could change any minute and death is not as far as we think. Life can literally end at any minute. March has been bitter because I've had to endure peak pain and discomfort from my struggle with heavy and painful menses, to the many injections and blood transfusion in the hospital to the quiet and cold room moments before theatre, the epidural injection and the anaesthetist that i hated so much, the discomfort during surgery, another cold waiting room moment after theatre, the journey back to the ward after surgery, the pain minutes before every next dose of pain killers, the first night after surgery, the removal of the catheter, the first trip to the toilet, first pee, first long call, the pain of sleeping on o...

  “In those days, people will no longer say, ‘The parents have eaten sour grapes,  and the children’s teeth are set on edge.’” — Jeremiah 31:29 I came across this verse in both books that I read in February. Initially, my goal was to finish four books by the end of the month. But the first one I picked up,  Bittersweet by Susan Cain, was so rich and layered that I found myself slowing down. Every page carried so many ideas and insights that I needed time to sit with them. That book, together with the next one I read, unexpectedly made me fall in love with the topic of trauma. For a long time, I had avoided anything related to trauma because I saw it as overwhelming, too complex, too wide, too mentally demanding. I assumed it required a kind of intellectual capacity I wasn’t sure I had. But instead of feeling intimidated, I found myself drawn in, curious, reflective, and wanting to understand more. Now I think I want to be a grief and trauma therapist.  These two bo...

It is crazy to think about how grief can be inherited, just like trauma. This is definitely an interesting topic that I've been thinking about, and I have done a lot of reading around it.  I know we've all heard the phrase It ends with us . Most of us even read the book It Ends with us by Colleen Hoover (very amazing book, would recommend). We have also heard about generational trauma, which many therapists and counselors talk about here and all over the world. Back in school, one of our core units in my first semester talked about the different factors that influence us, our personalities, and character. The most common obvious answer was always nature and nurture: genetic inheritance (nature) versus environmental factors(nurture). The two play a big part in who we are today and who we become. So, generational and inherited grief? This type of grief, just like generational trauma, is not a grief that we experience firsthand. It is unprocessed grief that our parents, their pare...