It’s Okay Not To Know How to Grieve

 

Grief — I have come to accept that it is one of the most painful and complicated experiences anyone can face. The feeling of losing someone to death is unexplainable and extremely heartbreaking.

For a couple of years now, I have worked alongside loss and grief clients in therapy and offered first aid and emotional support to the bereaved during burials. Most families hire first aiders to help relatives and the congregation in the morgue while viewing the body, when they read the eulogy, and when their loved one is being buried. This is the work I have been doing for a while now.

Because of these experiences, I have come to appreciate life more and to be more gracious and empathetic toward anyone who is grieving. It doesn’t matter what relationship you had with the person or how close you were — grief is grief, and there is nothing more painful than knowing they are never coming back. We will never hear them talk, walk, work, breathe, or even open their eyes again. Grief is a pain that only someone who has lost a loved one truly knows.

I have listened to many people talk about how to cope with grief, and to be honest — there is no one right way to deal with the feelings that come with losing a loved one. It’s okay not to know how to handle your grief. It’s okay not to know how to manage emotions that are neither here nor there.

I cannot even begin to describe the first hours, days, and months after a loss — the first night after the burial, the first anniversary, and the daily reminders of the loved one we’ve lost. Grief is complicated. No one should rush you into healing that we may not be sure is achievable.

With grief, we’re never sure about time and healing because life never goes back to normal. The earth seems to stop spinning the moment you are told that someone you love is dead, and life stops making sense.

Can we achieve normalcy? Or maybe healing?

There’s hope.

Grief doesn’t shrink over time; your capacity to hold it grows. Someone once said that time might not heal, but it softens the pain. It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to feel the feelings that come with losing a loved one.

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If you’re reading this and find yourself overwhelmed by grief, know that you don’t have to walk this path alone. Here are a few ways to reach out and take the next step toward support and connection:

1.Reach Out for Support

Talk to someone you trust — whether it’s a family member, friend, or faith leader — about what you’re feeling.

If you feel ready for professional guidance, consider scheduling a session with a grief counselor or therapist in your area.

2. Join Our Grief Support Community

Be part of The Grief Journal KE WhatsApp group, where you’ll find reflection prompts, shared stories, and resources tailored to help you process loss. To join, send a message with your name and “Join Grief Group” to 0722697333(Jael) — you’ll be welcomed by others who understand what you’re going through.

3. Share Your Story

Writing about your experience can be a powerful way to honor your loved one and begin to make sense of your feelings. If you’d like, submit a short reflection or journal entry to our blog (The Grief Journal KE). Your words might bring comfort to someone else who feels just as lost as you do. Email your submission to talktojael@gmail.com

4. Access Resources and Events

Follow The Grief Journal KE on Instagram (@the_griefjournal.ke) for weekly tips on coping strategies, upcoming webinars, and community events in Nairobi focused on loss and healing.

Most importantly, remember: there’s no “right” timeline or “correct” way to grieve. If today feels too heavy, reach out to someone who cares — and let them walk alongside you. You don’t have to navigate this alone, and taking one small step — whether it’s sending a text, joining a group, or simply sharing how you feel — can help hold the weight of your grief. We’re here to listen, to learn, and to heal together.