Insight By Jael

 I never thought I would stay up till late just thinking about everything and nothing. I used to be a 3am club member but life went well and my 3am demons died or I think they left me (literally) in peace.  It's been a good ride since then, but now I am here. Are the demons back? Probably not because I think this time it's me keeping myself up all night or maybe till late at night. I am the root of the problem, I am not blaming my inner demons this time. I am in that season where my life is seemingly slowing down and the major reason is because I am home most of the time and I do not have any project or job that is keeping my mind busy. It's actually today that I read something about the body not wanting to rest as some kind of trauma response and let me just quote that line here; Feeling the need to be busy all the time is a trauma response and fear based distraction from what you'd be forced to acknowledge and feel if you slowed down~ unknown  That right there is what...

Allow me to write this from a lowly motivated point of view. I am currently struggling to find a balance between sadness and happiness. ' Don't get me wrong though, I am not depressed, I am just not as motivated to wake up and exist as I think I should be. The good thing is, I know the reason why, and I am working on it. Bridget Blue in her Kesho song said ; Some days you feel like the world is on fire Some days you feel like you're swimming and flying.  S ome days you wake up and you don't feel Like you wanna chase what you don't see But some days you feel like you're floating up high And ask me about itttt. I hate how I sometimes feel so motivated and hopeful that tomorrow is going to be a better day and life is going to be beautiful and better, then out of nowhere another feeling of hopelessness sets in and it's never the same. I wish the motivated days would be a little bit more consistent than the bad days. But as Blue said; " Nitajaribu tena Kesho...