Honestly, life sucks! But does it?

Allow me to write this from a lowly motivated point of view. I am currently struggling to find a balance between sadness and happiness. '

Don't get me wrong though, I am not depressed, I am just not as motivated to wake up and exist as I think I should be. The good thing is, I know the reason why, and I am working on it.

Bridget Blue in her Kesho song said ;

Some days you feel like the world is on fire

Some days you feel like you're swimming and flying. 

Some days you wake up and you don't feel

Like you wanna chase what you don't see

But some days you feel like you're floating up high

And ask me about itttt.

I hate how I sometimes feel so motivated and hopeful that tomorrow is going to be a better day and life is going to be beautiful and better, then out of nowhere another feeling of hopelessness sets in and it's never the same.

I wish the motivated days would be a little bit more consistent than the bad days. But as Blue said;

"Nitajaribu tena

Kesho

Nitaamka upya na nisonge

Hata wakipenda kunivunja

Mambo yakizidi unga

Sitashindwa kujivuta

Kesho naamka upya 

Kesho naamka upya" 

I am still trying to find the balance between sadness and happiness cos hey, being an adult is just exhausting.

I said I know why I am in this Ugly season, yes. Partly because life is not lifing as I expected it to, and I also think I am in that stage of still deciding wether to sit still and be comfortable with who I am and where I'm at or get up and try to grow and try to occupy big and better spaces.

Kwanza, I am a big fan of growth and trying new heights but the struggle in betweeen looordddd! I feel like choosing growth means choosing to feel uncomfortable. Again choosing growth means choosing consistency and discipline, it means walking out of what you've been so comfortable with to persue a higher calling.

And am I ready for all that? Maybe I need therapy.

But I am working on choosing growth. The other thing is, nothing prepared me for this after school season where I am expected( by me) to have a decent job with a good income. If not a decent job, a business or something. I never thought of it, plus I still feel like I am far more behind than people of my age, which in reality I am much ahead that's just my head overthinking and over comparing. 

I mean, it's good to want more but the process between wanting and aquaring is just something else. Somebody please ring that break time bell cos I neeeed a break from all these. But you know what? Lazima life isonge tu. 

As i said, I am typing this from a low motivated self and I currently feel like life sucks, but I am sure when my motivated self takes charge,

life won't feel the same.

Meanwhile, cheers to hoping and believing🌻