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It’s Okay Not To Know How to Grieve

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  Grief — I have come to accept that it is one of the most painful and complicated experiences anyone can face. The feeling of losing someone to death is unexplainable and extremely heartbreaking. For a couple of years now, I have worked alongside loss and grief clients in therapy and offered first aid and emotional support to the bereaved during burials. Most families hire first aiders to help relatives and the congregation in the morgue while viewing the body, when they read the eulogy, and when their loved one is being buried. This is the work I have been doing for a while now. Because of these experiences, I have come to appreciate life more and to be more gracious and empathetic toward anyone who is grieving. It doesn’t matter what relationship you had with the person or how close you were — grief is grief, and there is nothing more painful than knowing they are never coming back. We will never hear them talk, walk, work, breathe, or even open their eyes again. Grief is a pain...
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Pushing On

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I think there comes a time when you stop blaming unemployment and start examining your own contribution to being unemployed. It has now been almost two years since I graduated, and I haven't been lucky enough to get a psychology-related job. But I am not the problem. The counseling psychology job market is very small for various reasons, mainly because our country is yet to take mental health seriously. There are no jobs because therapy is still seen as a luxury, and therapy is not cheap. Ideally, we should have counselors in every school, hospital, and corporate organization, but we are not there yet. The last time I checked, one psychiatrist serves at least three hospitals, and the only hospitals that have their own counselors and psychiatrists are level 4 hospitals and above. When this year started, I swore to work on building myself as a brand and to start sourcing personal clients. By March, I had identified a niche and had already started building my online presence, marke...
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On Finding Your Purpose...

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  Three years ago, I wrote a blog titled  Where's my voice . This was back in 2021, I was so passionate about knowing what my purpose in life was and what my voice was.  Three years later, I am not a hundred percent sure about what my purpose is, but I am not where I was back then. I have a rough idea of what my voice is and where my purpose in life is. In the beginning I had a plan that was going to help me figure out this big question and I even wrote on the blog; I can publicly admit without shame that I have done all the hard work. I have joined communities, and I have been part of different organizations. By doing so, I have over the years discovered my strengths and my weaknesses. I know that I can be a good leader but I need to work on my leadership skills. I know that I can lead projects and organize events. I know I can mobilise people for an event, I can create a safe space for people, I can be a fun moderator, a good host and I can be a good public speaker. I n...
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My Stuggle with Suicidal Thoughts

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I will never forget the night my mother said this to me... " Jael, I've noticed you've been quite of late. What's wrong?" Not her exact words but something similar and in Kalenjin(my native language).   Growing up, my mother always had us all in the living room after taking our supper for a short bible reading session and a prayer, these were the times she would do some sort of house keeping by addressing different issues in the family.  She still does that till date. I used to hate them a lot but I now see what it did to us as a family.   So, a few days before that, I cannot exactly remember what happened but I was mad at my parents for something they did, or something they did not do. I ended up going to our farm down hill where we have a borehole and contemplated jumping in but I some how went for the tall grass around. I burried my face in the grass, tightly grasped a bunch of it with my hands and let out I silent scream. I let go of the grass seconds...
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My Imagined Marriage...

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  Source: The inner world, Google What happens when the thought of giving marriage a chance crosses your mind? Especially in this day and age where a big percentage of people are opting not to get into it.  What really happens in marriage? I grew up watching my parent's marriage and it's nothing compared to marriages today. The circumstances are different. There's the high cost of living, there's the high chances of getting divorced at some point and then there's a future that is unpredictable. My parents got married in the 90s. There were little to no stress about getting married and having kids. Most individuals had access to basic things like food, shelter and clothing even though not of a good standard, but atleast they had it. I mean, most of my parents' age mates owned big acres of land, most of them did farming and helped a lot with substituting that one source of income ( atleast in my case). Today, we have little access to these things and we're in ...
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Random Thoughts...

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  I slept for ten hours yesterday. Sleep has been so helpful the last few weeks. I love the fact that the brain and the body gets to rest for a while before getting back to the battle field. I've been sleeping a lot lately, the main reason is because I've had more stressful days and my only way of dealing with stress is by sleeping. Last month was worse. I almost drowned into depression. I had one particular week that I never made my bed in the mornings, never cooked solid food, I just ate spaghetti and indomie, my utensils lived in the sink and my room was just messy. I only took out the trash when they started having a foul smell and I did not even bother to lock the door for the night. The only thing that remained consistent was taking a bath, it's the only thing that made me feel alive. When they say you never know what people go through before they achieve success, I think this is exactly what they mean. The bad days when you have no motivation, the days filled with an...
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Maybe surviving is winning...

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It's been six months now since I moved to Eldoret from Nairobi. I expected several changes in all aspects of my life, but not this extreme level of change. The fact that I am still sane and alive tells it all. I was always the type of person who is scared of change. I still hate change (which always amounts to growth), and I would do anything not to cross paths with it.  Source: Google; Fine Art America  I always desire growth, but I am not a fan of the process that we are supposed to go through to achieve it. I am even a big pursuer of high levels of growth especially growth in all aspects, in all aspects I mean mentally, spiritually, emotionally, financially, and even character-wise. This level of growth, from my POV, can be explained with the analogy of how gold is refined and purified by fire. Eldoret is a near-beautiful town(soon to be a city). It feels more like home than Nairobi, one is because my parent's house is not far away from town, I can always travel anytime and...
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