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My Stuggle with Suicidal Thoughts

I will never forget the night my mother said this to me... " Jael, I've noticed you've been quite of late. What's wrong?" Not her exact words but something similar and in Kalenjin(my native language).   Growing up, my mother always had us all in the living room after taking our supper for a short bible reading session and a prayer, these were the times she would do some sort of house keeping by addressing different issues in the family.  She still does that till date. I used to hate them a lot but I now see what it did to us as a family.   So, a few days before that, I cannot exactly remember what happened but I was mad at my parents for something they did, or something they did not do. I ended up going to our farm down hill where we have a borehole and contemplated jumping in but I some how went for the tall grass around. I burried my face in the grass, tightly grasped a bunch of it with my hands and let out I silent scream. I let go of the grass seconds later,

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