Random Thoughts...

 

I slept for ten hours yesterday. Sleep has been so helpful the last few weeks. I love the fact that the brain and the body gets to rest for a while before getting back to the battle field.

I've been sleeping a lot lately, the main reason is because I've had more stressful days and my only way of dealing with stress is by sleeping. Last month was worse. I almost drowned into depression.

I had one particular week that I never made my bed in the mornings, never cooked solid food, I just ate spaghetti and indomie, my utensils lived in the sink and my room was just messy. I only took out the trash when they started having a foul smell and I did not even bother to lock the door for the night. The only thing that remained consistent was taking a bath, it's the only thing that made me feel alive.

When they say you never know what people go through before they achieve success, I think this is exactly what they mean. The bad days when you have no motivation, the days filled with anxiety, the sleepless nights, the days when you almost fall into depression and the days you even question your existence. 

Success has to come because ain't no way I went through rough days for nothing. I don't know if there are rough days even after success, if they are... may they never locate me. I am not built for it please! 

Something that caught my attention this week/ recently;

I am currently trying to make friends in Eldoret and I've been doing so well. I noticed something interesting though. You see the way if you want a boyfriend who has money or works at a good place or runs a good/big business or is just a successful man you must have almost the same type of qualifications or achievements? It's the same with friendships.

I have been to a number of spaces with people from different levels of life and maan, everytime I get a chance to sit with people who've achieved something in their lives or are thriving careerwise, I always feel out of place but with the motivation to rise up to their levels.

It has always been hard to interact with such people because your title ends at what you do for a living. I have a personal grudge with people who work in tech, entrepreneurs and lawyers. These people can make you hate your life.  Have you ever heard them introduce themselves? 

Me on my side my introduction is always short and not interesting. My name is Jael, I am a counselling psychologist by profession but I currently work with a travel agency here in town, heh! Pleasee someone save me.

I've always wanted to be big, to be interesting and to have things that I do that can place me in big platforms. I have been in big spaces before yes, but I want to be in a number of them from time to time. 

Look at women like Just Ivy Africa, Janet Mbugua, lynn Ngugi, Adelle Onyango, Moureen Bandari... kenyan women who are great in my books. What would it take to walk up to their level of being? I don't know.

Today I came across a quote that said, "it's not that You are not talented/gifted/creative, you are not consistent enough" I've never felt so attacked like that, but maybe for me to reach the level of these great women, I have to put in the work and be consistent. Lord help me!

Why is it hard for others to achieve greatness and so easy for others? Don't mind me, these are my midnight thoughts since it looks like nilila usingizi yote jana sasa sina usingizi ya leo.

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