Still blaming your parents?

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I have been the chair lady of us children's Rights for the past many years. I have written about things parents should do and not do to their children. I have even had conversations with people about how they should parent, while I was probably still stuck on the being child-free idea (which I still think is a cool idea)

I had honest intentions, don't get me wrong. I was probably hurting from my own unresolved issues with my parents, issues that had nothing or little to do with my parents. I am one of those people who would rather have been asked if they wanted to be born or not. When I realized I can't actually go back and ask not to be born, I started blaming my parents for this and that.

I concentrated on their shortcomings and forgot to appreciate their good side, in fact, the positives outweigh the negatives but you know us human beings. We always choose to focus on the negative and what people should have done and forget what they have done well. This is looking at the glass being half empty rather than half full. 

Parents can be the hardest people to deal with, especially if you are in your teenage years or early twenties. Is it the identity crisis and the role confusion that is always here? I am not sure. But it has something to do with us moving from being children to being adults and at the same time trying to balance our lives as adults... Maybe.

I have had issues with my parents, I sometimes felt like they never heard me, or they were being too harsh on me, or me not liking the way they handle issues. As a counseling psychology student, you are always required to do some therapy sessions before you are released to do your attachment. There is where I got to know how to handle issues with parents.

First, always keep this in mind; our parents have their own lives that you probably know nothing about. They also grew up with parents who may be far worse than them. They have had their own life experiences that may be fucked them up. Before you throw stones at me, let me say that this should not be a justification for them to treat you the way they want. Another thing is, we are in a totally different generation than theirs, most of the time they try to parent us the way they were parented and to make things worse, today we have things like the internet, 9 to 5 jobs, people no longer live in communities like before and many other things that are new to them.

You also have to understand that nobody was born a parent. People are out here doing trial and error. You just happened to be a human being born by another human being and not some god. Some people even go to an extent of choosing not to be a responsible adults because their parents did this or that. We sometimes even compare our parents with other parents and wish for things.

Well, Jepchumba... you are here now. Can you go back in time and change things? No, and I can't also commit suicide, the only thing here is to try to be a responsible adult human being. You will not always blame your parents, the only thing you can do is try to manage the situation. Other people go to an extent of cutting off their parents for reasons well known to them, but I do not always judge. We all have the free will to choose things and the main goal here is peace of mind.

So, at times we have to give our parents grace, they are parenting from what they saw their parents do and from who they are as individuals. Understand them and at the same time communicate your needs to them. Start conversations when they are cool and in a happy mood, and talk to them about different things or concerns. Good and responsible parents will listen to you and they will even change to being a little bit lenient with you.

The other thing is going for therapy/counseling. A counselor will help you know how to handle family issues that you may have, and they will give you skills to cope with say parents who cannot change, or maybe it's their way of living (e.g parents who use drugs). Counseling will also help you unpack things and even look at things from a different angle. Counseling helped me understand that parents also have their own pasts that made them who they are and that they are not as perfect as I expected them to be.

I do not blame them anymore and I have no issues with them, I try to be a responsible human. I am here now and I am working towards making my life better. I look forward to having kids in the far future and I am hoping I will get to be a trying parent just like my own parents. I will try to explain to them that I am not perfect and that they should be a little bit gracious.

So, are you still blaming your parents and having unending issues with them?