Turning twentyfine

source: lucy jacovelli

 Tell me how I am turning 25 in less than sixty days...

I mean, I was so excited to turn eighteen the other day. I was happy because it was my final year in secondary school/senior high. I had big dreams like going to college, graduate, get a good job, move into my own house, maybe get a man, and maybe, just maybe get married and have kids. Do I have any of these close to seven years later? Please let me grab a glass of water cos wueehh.

I am not saying eti I do not have any achievements so far, it's just that I am not where I envisioned myself. But I have some big achievements and a lot of small ones. Some of my big achievements thus far have been going back to school to pursue a dream career which is counseling psychology. The other one is the woman that I am... Damn, have you ever met me? Have you ever seen me? Trust me, I am the most amazing and lovely person you will ever meet. I am grateful I get to exist at such a time when everything exists for me to thrive.

All in all, we thank God for life and for having perfect health. Talking of good health, my early twenties was such a semi-rough path for me. From physical health to mental health. Mimi I have struggled with suicidal ideations and it's just that I am never that confident to actualize goals. Small small life inconveniences always mess me up (esp financially, send monneyy). But I am now in a good space both mentally and physically. My small medical condition finally decided to leave me in perfect peace and I am so thankful to God for that.

My mental health is also good, I try as much as possible to deal with issues as they arise and try to forget the issues that are out of hand. Especially when it comes to money, if you do not have the money you don't Jepchumba (kama auna auna). The other issue that used to mess me up was my ability to create boundaries with others. I used to be overly good, kind, helpful, genuine, and anything good to other people. I would cross Oceans to help others. I would offer to help people yet I needed the same kind of help. No was never a part of my vocabulary.

Have I changed? Oh YES. I will shamelessly say no to anyone without feeling guilty. I will choose myself a thousand and one times per day and choose no one. I will speak my mind without the feeling of getting judged. 

At 24 years, I feel I am still a baby girl, I am still young, please. I am turning 25 years and no one is allowed to ask me about relationships and marriage. I will not even allow myself to ask myself why I am not yet done with school, why I am not financially okay, or even why I am jobless, I will not try to compare myself to anyone.

I want to believe that this is my journey and I am on it alone. I am allowed to feel like I am not where I should be, but that should not scare me. I know I will get to live my purpose and dream sooner or later. I am not sure when, but I am sure it's coming. Meanwhile, I have to do the hard work, I have to show up, and I have to keep on hoping and praying that everything that I am doing now will accumulate to the success that I want.

So, here is to turning twenty fine and living life without unnecessary pressure. 

Cheers!