The Thing About Having Suicidal Thoughts...

 Story time;

I started writing about suicide/suicidal ideation from the year 2019 and at that time I was never even aware of all these mental health things and mental disorders. I started writing because I had a problem with being suicidal and it's only now that I am realizing that I might have had depression during that period.

Writing has always been like an outlet to me. I would post things on my socials and would get people reaching out to me for help or just thanking me for helping them out. That gave me hope and a sense of achievement. I do not want to dive into what was wrong during that period but I am glad I chose to keep on moving.

Today I write more about suicide and having suicidal thoughts because I know how it feels and also because I am passionate about mental health and wellness. 

Do I still get suicidal today? Yes 

The difference between then and now is the fact that I now know my triggers, I know how to prevent my brain from getting to the point of being suicidal. I am also working on long-term solutions to it and also some short-term solutions. My short-term solutions always help at that point of breakdown... this can be taking deep breaths and doing meditations and maybe sleeping.

The thing about being suicidal or having suicidal thoughts is that sometimes you do not have control over them. It is funny how the brain sometimes(or all the time) works against us. I personally think nobody can decide that they are going to be suicidal at such and such a time. It's always the external things that trigger such thoughts, like something outside the body like an event that causes such thoughts.

A lot of different things can lead to one having suicidal thoughts. This can be genetic, from one's personal experiences or any difficult situation, and also most mental illnesses come with suicidal ideations as a symptom.

At this point, I think it is the brain telling you that it has gone out of options to keep you running and the only option left is to just die. Dying at this point also means that the emotional pain will disappear and the body will remain at peace. At this point both the body and mind are always tired and fixed on this one solution.

I think all someone who is suicidal needs is hope and a little bit of everything ranging from love, support, understanding, space, care, and everything good(including money). Hope is key because someone suicidal is most of the time hopeless and feels like they have reached a dead end in life.

Love and hugs to anyone battling suicidal thoughts. Help is available, don't suffer alone.