Briefly, perfectly, Human

 Briefly, Perfectly Human is a book written by Alua Arthur. Its such an amazing book on death and Mortality and how Alua rose from being a depressed  Lawyer to death doula 

I know most of us are not familiar with the word doula because it is not used as much here in kenya and in Africa at large. A doula was originally(and still is) a word used for midwives who took/takes care of women before, during and after birth. That's a birth doula and they are many here in Kenya we don't just call them that.

Death doulas are also many in Kenya and we also don't call them that. A death doula or an end of life doula takes care of someone in their last stages of living before death. This is common in patients with terminal illness. It's what most care givers do, they also don't realise that it has a name.

Doulas work with these people to fulfil their last wishes, talk about the life they lived, help them identify what they need to do before death so they don't burden their loved ones(this could be properties, money, families, burial...anything) can be putting their affairs in order. 

They can also help you overcome the fear of death. I know almost all of us live in denial of the fact that we will all die one day and nobody has ever escaped death. 

One interesting thing that this book made me reflect on is how the society tells us to live a life that will be remembered even long after we die, yet in real sense we will only be remembered for a few decades. It's only our children and their children who can potentially remembered us for long, that is if we really did make something out of ourselves and our lives. 

Should we live a life worth being remembered for?

I'm not sure about that.

I'd rather live a life that I'll look back on my death bed and see that I really LIVED. I'd want to have done the things I always wanted to do, to have accepted the parts of me that I hated and to have made peace of the life I wanted and might have never gotten.

Alua talks about how she would wants her death to be like which made me think about mine. 

I'd want to die at home in my old age surrounded by my loved ones. My room should have my favourite indoor plants with my favourite bouquet of flowers, my favourite books and a tv that plays most of my favourite songs with a remote on my hand to switch between parts in songs that i love more.

I've not thoroughly thought about this but this will definitely change as I keep changing in character and personality and also in wealth. Who knows, I might want to die in my ranch surrounded by farm animals and the sound of birds and farm machines.

Before you come for me for openly talking about death, please know that one, I am a loss and grief counselor and you can't talk about grief and not talk about death.

Two, I have deep passion for death work. I am that person who wouldn't mind working in  a funeral home and hospices as long as it entails supporting people in their end of life and supporting people who've lost their loved ones.

Alua days, "talking about sex doesn't make you pregnant and talking about death doesn't invite death" unfortunately that's a big taboo here in kenya.

Do I fear death?

Of course, YES!

That thing scares me to death(literally). But you know what, many people have died, trillions of people so I won't be the first nor the last. I also believe if I died today my grandmother and grandfather will be on the other side waiting for me. That's what makes the thought of death bearable. PLUS  when you're dead, you're dead. It's like being in a deep sleep with  no dreams because your unconscious mind is also dead. 

If you're afraid of decomposition, you could donate your body for medical purposes or save up for cremation. Or, you could choose to die in states like Washington where they do natural decomposition in a pod that makes you turn into soil within 60days and your family can go back home with that soil to plant a fruit tree.

You can't also talk about death and not talk about what happens after death. I'd really want to know what every individual thinks happens after we take our last breathe. The common ones that I've heard of are 1. Christianity where we die and wait for the second coming of Christ. 2. Reincarnation where we die and reincarnate back to life in a different place. 3. We just die and our soul wonders off to I don't know where. These are a few, they all depend onindividual beliefs.

Apparently, your believe in what happens after death informs the level of fear for death(according to my school of thought)

Look at you reading up to this point 😁

I'm curious, do you think about all this? Do you think about your own Mortality and of  those around you? 

What are your beliefs around death and was this uncomfortable to read?